Let it rain, rain down

Let the countdown begin, I'm leaving Boston for the wonderful, windy city of Chicago. I leave July 28 and I could not be more excited. Coming with me are lovely and special pugs, Jabba and Zelda. Wrapping things up in Boston has been a challenge. I work through July 27 and then leave the following night to camp out at my mom's house for a few days before setting off for Chicago. Boston has been a lovely city to live for the past five years, but I feel now is the time to make a change and head for the Midwest.

To do before I leave:
1. Go through my clothes/stuff and donate what I no longer need
2. PACK!
3. Get an oil change
4. Say goodbye to all of my friends, coworkers, clients
5. Collect medical records for myself and the dogs
6. Manage to keep my cool and contain my excitement until I leave
7. Scratch that - lose my shit
8. Find a job!

That's right. Find a job. I will be unemployed when I get to Chicago. I don't even have a lead on a job. I am picking up and leaving without a solid plan. For many people, this would be scary and stupid. For me, it's exciting and thrilling. I can't wait to see what comes out of this move. Everything is up in the air, everything is possible right now. So much could happen and I couldn't be more excited to embrace the change and the possibilities. Wish me luck and stayed tuned to see what happens!


<3, k

Morning Pages

I woke up this morning thinking, "why the hell am I so tired?" I couldn't function at a normal level and walked outside with the dog. I think this is the time where my brain runs wild thinking of all the negative things that it possibly could about the upcoming day. I worry about bills, moving in six months, whether I'll make it through the day, how awful class might be, maybe I'll leave work early and sleep, maybe I should just not go to work. It's never ending the crap that runs through my head.

I know that after 10 minutes of this, I argue with myself and try to change my thoughts into something more positive. Early mornings are hard. I don't have the energy to argue with myself. But by the time I hit the shower, my brain is more willing to accept that I will not dwell on the maybe's and might's of the day. I can't live like that. No one should live like that.

Keeping things in the here and now is so tough. I try and teach my clients to do the same and I keep saying it is difficult but one doesn't really know how difficult until we are faced with doing it ourselves, day after day, hour after hour. Melodrama. Angst.

I don't know what else to write. I know I should have three pages of this every morning. Should. I should do this. I don't like thinking in shoulds. I like thinking in, I am... I will write until I can no longer write any longer.

I worry about class and my thesis. I was supposed to turn the thesis in already, before classes started. Classes started this week and I still haven't completed it. What if I can't finish it in time and I have to drop out of this semester? Will I go back? Who knows. Maybe that won't even happen. Maybe everything will work out and I can hand it in a few weeks and be done with it. I think that will feel good. To be done with it. To not have to think about it any longer. That must feel good. I hope this is a good semester. And by good, I mean easy. I am tapped out and no longer want to do work for classes. I want to work. I want to focus on my job and find hobbies that I enjoy. I want to go to yoga a few nights a week. I want to read novels. I want to run with the dog after work. I want to do a lot more than go to class and write papers. I hate writing papers. I want to write in my blog. I want to take more photos. I want to go out more. I want to meet more people. I want to do a lot. I want to do everything. I need to make this happen. Three months and school is done. I will have a master's. I will be able to take my exam to get my license. I could go into private practice. I could do a lot. I will do a lot.

The Artist's Way

I mentioned months ago that I would be reading a book called The Sound of Paper. I started that in an effort to get myself to write more frequently. Of course, I abandoned that book and stopped writing, almost entirely. So I am trying again, this time with The Artist's Way. It is by the same author and this book preceded The Sound of Paper. So, again, I'm giving it a shot.

This time, I'm writing a contract with myself. I will do this. I will commit to twelve weeks of writing every morning and reading the lessons and completing the projects. I will document everything that I do here. My morning writings will be gibberish, negative, and probably silly. But I will still do them as a way to clear my head and start my day with less junk rattling around in my brain. Maybe I will learn to think more positively, less judgmentally, and let go more often.

It's worth a shot.

2/1/12

I understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided encounter with my own creativity. I commit myself to the twelve week duration of the course. I commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages, a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

I further understand that this course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with. I commit myself to excellent self care - adequate sleep, diet, exercise and pampering - for the duration of the course.


Kerry.

Work Hard and Be Nice to People.

Today I donated dog and cat toys to a local animal shelter. I have been itching to get out and do something for a larger cause, rather than my own self interest. Of course, I reap benefits from donating. I get to go check out the dogs for adoption, swoon over the puppies, and feel good about doing it. But I feel as though it is time for me to be concerned with more than just myself and my dog.

What ways do you help out your community? What else can I do? I have been asking everyone I know to collect items to donate to the animal shelter. I'm hoping this will pan out and I can have a nice car load to donate in the next few weeks.

So if you have anything you would like to donate or want more information about your local animal shelters, email or tweet me! thatgirlblogs@gmail.com OR @kerryedaway 

Or if you know of something else I should get involved in, let me know! 

The Life of the Imagintion

If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I would have all the energy in the world.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I would be able to afford to live alone.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I would love limitlessly.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, writing and creativity would be effortless.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, exercising and eating well would be easy.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, anxiety wouldn't be a problem.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, troubles wouldn't be so much troubles but small obstacles.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I wouldn't have to face depression on a daily basis.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, fear wouldn't stop me.
If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I could write, socialize, do therapy, and walk dogs for a living.

Ten things I would do if the best of all possible worlds were a reality. Ten things I can work towards changing now.

The prompt suggests writing these as quickly as possible - I struggled with this. What would I want if I could change things? It's such a big question that I had to take pause, I had to think to myself, what can I change? There are things that are much bigger than me that I would love to change, the economy, other people, schizophrenia, those aren't within my capacity to change with baby steps on a daily basis. Learning to love limitlessly is.

So I'll start with these ten things...