Relax, don't do it..

Since my plans for this weekend didn't pan out quite as I had expected, it gave me a chance to slow down and relax for a change. I spent the mornings at the dog park and had a chance to bond with my two pups and hang out with other dog obsessed people. 

Also, I caught up on trashy reality TV and knitting. I feel like knitting gives me an excuse to watch the terrible TV that I do. I'm not actually watching it, I'm knitting. This is how I justify it. 

Things at home have been tense, so it was nice to just relax, knit, and shut my brain off for a bit. I've picked up The Artist's Way again, in another attempt to work my way through it. I have made it through week one, minus the morning pages. I'm hoping to be able to start those up again starting tomorrow. We'll see how that goes...

Five weeks until I am leaving for Pittsburgh and then on to Chicago. I'm counting down the days!

Let it rain, rain down

Let the countdown begin, I'm leaving Boston for the wonderful, windy city of Chicago. I leave July 28 and I could not be more excited. Coming with me are lovely and special pugs, Jabba and Zelda. Wrapping things up in Boston has been a challenge. I work through July 27 and then leave the following night to camp out at my mom's house for a few days before setting off for Chicago. Boston has been a lovely city to live for the past five years, but I feel now is the time to make a change and head for the Midwest.

To do before I leave:
1. Go through my clothes/stuff and donate what I no longer need
2. PACK!
3. Get an oil change
4. Say goodbye to all of my friends, coworkers, clients
5. Collect medical records for myself and the dogs
6. Manage to keep my cool and contain my excitement until I leave
7. Scratch that - lose my shit
8. Find a job!

That's right. Find a job. I will be unemployed when I get to Chicago. I don't even have a lead on a job. I am picking up and leaving without a solid plan. For many people, this would be scary and stupid. For me, it's exciting and thrilling. I can't wait to see what comes out of this move. Everything is up in the air, everything is possible right now. So much could happen and I couldn't be more excited to embrace the change and the possibilities. Wish me luck and stayed tuned to see what happens!


<3, k

Figures, figured, figuring.

How do people figure out what they want to do for a living? One day I feel like I have it all figured out and then next, I'm so confused and unsure.

I'm returning to work tomorrow after a week out on sick leave. I have spent the past seven days in my apartment with two pugs and a netflix account. During this time, it occurred to me that I do not enjoy working 9-5, I would like to have a more flexible schedule. I would also like to try different avenues of work in addition to what I am doing now. Of course, this requires that I finish my Master's, something that I really do not want to do. At all. I have two classes and a thesis standing between myself and my graduate degree. I should not stop now, but I have no motivation to complete this degree. I have dropped two classes this semester and am solely focusing on my thesis  and I am wasting time and money.

This strikes me as a trouble that someone ten years my junior would be struggling with. I have this expectation of myself that everything needs to be done right away and I can't wait. I expect that I should have this figured out. I expect that I should be leading the life of a put together adult. Those are really high expectations for someone who has no clue what she wants to do with her life. I guess plodding through the muck and figuring out what I want is the only way to go at this point.

So here's to trying to figure this all out.

Lazy Friday Nights

My plans didn't pan out for this evening, so I have decided to stay home and relax. The puppy is here!


Keek it!

Morning Pages

I woke up this morning thinking, "why the hell am I so tired?" I couldn't function at a normal level and walked outside with the dog. I think this is the time where my brain runs wild thinking of all the negative things that it possibly could about the upcoming day. I worry about bills, moving in six months, whether I'll make it through the day, how awful class might be, maybe I'll leave work early and sleep, maybe I should just not go to work. It's never ending the crap that runs through my head.

I know that after 10 minutes of this, I argue with myself and try to change my thoughts into something more positive. Early mornings are hard. I don't have the energy to argue with myself. But by the time I hit the shower, my brain is more willing to accept that I will not dwell on the maybe's and might's of the day. I can't live like that. No one should live like that.

Keeping things in the here and now is so tough. I try and teach my clients to do the same and I keep saying it is difficult but one doesn't really know how difficult until we are faced with doing it ourselves, day after day, hour after hour. Melodrama. Angst.

I don't know what else to write. I know I should have three pages of this every morning. Should. I should do this. I don't like thinking in shoulds. I like thinking in, I am... I will write until I can no longer write any longer.

I worry about class and my thesis. I was supposed to turn the thesis in already, before classes started. Classes started this week and I still haven't completed it. What if I can't finish it in time and I have to drop out of this semester? Will I go back? Who knows. Maybe that won't even happen. Maybe everything will work out and I can hand it in a few weeks and be done with it. I think that will feel good. To be done with it. To not have to think about it any longer. That must feel good. I hope this is a good semester. And by good, I mean easy. I am tapped out and no longer want to do work for classes. I want to work. I want to focus on my job and find hobbies that I enjoy. I want to go to yoga a few nights a week. I want to read novels. I want to run with the dog after work. I want to do a lot more than go to class and write papers. I hate writing papers. I want to write in my blog. I want to take more photos. I want to go out more. I want to meet more people. I want to do a lot. I want to do everything. I need to make this happen. Three months and school is done. I will have a master's. I will be able to take my exam to get my license. I could go into private practice. I could do a lot. I will do a lot.

The Artist's Way

I mentioned months ago that I would be reading a book called The Sound of Paper. I started that in an effort to get myself to write more frequently. Of course, I abandoned that book and stopped writing, almost entirely. So I am trying again, this time with The Artist's Way. It is by the same author and this book preceded The Sound of Paper. So, again, I'm giving it a shot.

This time, I'm writing a contract with myself. I will do this. I will commit to twelve weeks of writing every morning and reading the lessons and completing the projects. I will document everything that I do here. My morning writings will be gibberish, negative, and probably silly. But I will still do them as a way to clear my head and start my day with less junk rattling around in my brain. Maybe I will learn to think more positively, less judgmentally, and let go more often.

It's worth a shot.

2/1/12

I understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided encounter with my own creativity. I commit myself to the twelve week duration of the course. I commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages, a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

I further understand that this course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with. I commit myself to excellent self care - adequate sleep, diet, exercise and pampering - for the duration of the course.


Kerry.

You are my sweetest downfall

Source: http://www.contrariwise.org/

My friend and roommate had a massive blow out with her boyfriend leading him to now be another ex. As myself and a few other friends rallied to comfort her and get her out of the apartment, it occurred to me that relationships are hard for everyone. 

With my 29th birthday rolling around the corner here soon, I have been taking stock in what I have in my life and what I would like to have in the future. Relationships were my number one priority in the past but lately I feel that my priorities have shifted. School and work are number 1 followed closely by volunteering. Relationships have fallen by the way side. I don't feel that it is all that necessary for me to be paired off with someone. I enjoy my time and spending it as I please. 

Plus there is more room in the bed for the dog and I to snuggle.